To My Youngest, the Sibling of a Special Needs Child: This is What I Need You to Know

My little peanut,

Today is your 4th birthday, Sawyer. How can that be? I look at you running and jumping with your friends, and it’s hard for me not to cry. You are amazing. I am so proud to be your mom. I need you to know that.

I want to tell you a few things. I know you won't understand them now, and that's okay. But someday, when Mom is old and gray, I want you to read this letter.

I want you to know I am so unbelievably thankful that you are my son and Cooper's brother. You need to know that. Together, the two of you have given me more joy than I ever thought was possible.

I have a secret. No one knows this. I cried the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Actual ugly tears, bud. I have never been more afraid in my whole entire life.

Your brother was 2, and I was failing as his mother. I couldn’t fix him. I was chasing doctors and therapies and coming up short. I felt like I was failing as a wife, a friend, an employee, and a mother. My world was crashing down around me.

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To finish reading the full story, visit the Scary Mommy website: http://bit.ly/2kIO0pV.