Today is your 4th birthday, Sawyer. How can that be? I look at you running and jumping with your friends, and it’s hard for me not to cry. You are amazing. I am so proud to be your mom. I need you to know that.
I want to tell you a few things. I know you won't understand them now, and that's okay. But someday, when Mom is old and gray, I want you to read this letter.
I want you to know I am so unbelievably thankful that you are my son and Cooper's brother. You need to know that. Together, the two of you have given me more joy than I ever thought was possible.
I have a secret. No one knows this. I cried the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Actual ugly tears, bud. I have never been more afraid in my whole entire life.
Your brother was 2, and I was failing as his mother. I couldn’t fix him. I was chasing doctors and therapies and coming up short. I felt like I was failing as a wife, a friend, an employee, and a mother. My world was crashing down around me.