I saw you last week, with a big pregnant belly, pushing your shopping cart and smiling. You must be exhausted! And your little boy sitting on top of the wagon, he was so cute. He couldn't have been more than 18-months old, right? Remember when you were feeling the avocados and he picked one up and just threw it on the floor? That little old lady passing by giggled and called him a real firecracker. Then you both laughed a bit. It was a very sweet moment.
Here’s the thing. I don’t want to poop on your party, but I want you to know that it won’t always be this way, just so you’re prepared. You’ll still have sweet moments with your kids, but those moments won’t be in the supermarket. You see, once you have two or more walking, talking human beings in your charge, the supermarket is less like a pleasant place to shop and more like a chilled version of hell. So here are some tips so you’ll be ready in a few years. Ok, here goes:
1. Don't ask the kids who wants to sit in the wagon. They'll both either want to sit or both want to walk, and one will wait to hear what the other chooses so he can choose the same thing. You decide that sh*t before you get there. And don't be tricked into letting one sit in the big part, because the moment a bag of lettuce hits your child's precious leg he'll cry that you're squishing him and have a meltdown in the middle of produce.
2. Once that’s settled, at least one child will demand to know how many things you’re getting. Don’t commit to a number! Because if you do your child will count, and once you reach that number they’ll throw a sh*t fit that you’re still shopping.