When I Realized my Son's Autism didn't Need to Change - I Did
I'm not a fan of change. I like my comfort zone and keeping things "as is" because I feel comfortable with "as is." I know what to expect from "as is." So, when change comes along and rears its ugly head, "as is" goes out the blankety-blank window.
Yeah, change sucks. Sometimes. Not always.
No time is change more expected, more discussed and more debated than at the start of a new year, so I always jump on the change bandwagon...for about a week. When the calendar marks the end of one year and the beginning of the next, change is expected. Change is encouraged. We are all supposed to change for the better, thus having a better year than last. So, come January 1, I decide to change, too.
There was a time when I longed for change. A time I begged for change. I time I prayed for change. A time when I feared the status quo and "as is" had me freaked out. I desperately wanted things to change, things to become different, even though "different" was precisely the driving force causing me to wait for change to come. And I didn't wnat to wait for a new year for change to arrive.
I wanted my son Ryan's language to change from scripting to communicating. I wanted his overloaded sensory system to change so his day-to-day life was easier for him (and yes, selfishly, for the rest of our family). I wanted his lack of desire to connect and make friends to change. I wanted my son's insistence on routine and fear of change to change. I wanted his diagnosis of autism to change, for him to not have a diagnosis at all which would make all those other changes I wished for no longer necessary.
But with all this change I bartered and begged for, what really needed to become "different" or to "become something else" was me.
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